& that's what really hurts...
thom had it right. still does. the best of us learn this early on & get about the business of change. the worst wallow to the end splattering the rest of us with their own filth.
this isn't really too problematic, because we're usually neck deep in our own. somewhere in the middle are those that are cognizant of all this & struggle to maintain consistency. all of us can be found somewhere along this proverbial continuum.
i long to be among the best of us. i'm not. i have all the potential to be the most compassionate jerk you've ever met. i fulfill this on quite a regular basis.
maybe it's just the natural tendency of the fallen heart to oscillate between the desire to serve or preserve. i manage to stroke both @ the same time. these tend to be my better days.
i want more than anything to influence, change, shape & mold...
my environment, my relationships, my world...
for the better...
perhaps this is too simplistic. i'm coming to realize that this is entirely possible & too small a task. the real goal looms much larger & posts rewards that are unparalleled in existence.
it is to allow the change to be made in me...
escape the perpetual cycle of self-destruction...
not bury the past, but redeem it by learning from it...
not acquiesce to circumstance, but remember perspective & transcend...
realize that my nature @ times is anything but natural & not justifiable by saying so...
desire more than anything to become like the 1 that made me & know that he's never disappointed in me because he knows the end from the beginning...
...pulling for me...longing for me...changing me by living in me...
1 comment:
Hard to believe this didn't bring comments...you have stunned the world into silence, Lee!! A similar revelation here. God's will does not negate our passionate indiviuality. Dead leaves the impression of a zombie type existence. His mercy is not to be mocked by careless sin (caught in our own will) nor His justice, by a cowering life (caught in His will). As I immerse my very-much-alive will in His Word and Holy Being, the two, Abba and child, are blessed.
Revelation #2: We need each other deperately. Thanks for the email. Sometimes it feels like I am alone, and it becomes very hard to write. You know the feeling...anybody out there?
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